‘Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.’ – Hemingway
As my vacation to LA comes to the end, I have found myself pondering upon the subject of love a lot this trip. Maybe it’s because recently I just lost a love or it might well be because I’ve witnessed such a strong bond of love between two people over the last week; who knows where its come from, but the subject, albeit huge, is fascinating.
Many people in the past have tried to define this emotion or feeling. There are endless quotes out there from all different sources. Anything from the Bible to rock stars and from Buddhism to Sigman Freud, everyone has their own take and opinion on what it is and how to describe or make sense of it. After all love does make the world go round…
Most obviously there are two kinds of love, the romantic and non romantic kind. I’ll start with the romance! My big questions here tend to be; Can you romantically love more than one person? ;Can you switch love off and on like a light switch? and; How long does it take to fall in love or indeed fall out of love? Well, I believe the answer to all these questions is very different for each person. It totally depends on what kind of person you are, your religion and general beliefs, and how much of a risk taker you are. Thats the thing, when it comes to love, no one is right or wrong. It’s your opinion and that is never wrong. If you don’t agree with my views in this blog, it doesn’t mean that I am wrong and you are right, it means we simply have different opinions. I believe that for love to work that you have to meet someone with the same ideas about it. Those ideas might well change throughout your life, and this is another key to love, when you find it, your love timeline needs to aline. If they don’t, then the relationship will either be an uphill struggle or just not survive the length.
Can you romantically love more than one person? Yes. I believe if you allow yourself to, you can. It’s up to whether you choose this path or not. The majority of relationships in the world are monogamous but everyday humans breech this agreement they have made with their partner, and this in turn can develop into love for another. I’m definitely not saying this is right, but it happens, and happens often. Why? because that person made the choice to love another. It’s that black and white.
Can you turn love off like a light switch? Well, maybe not as fast as a light switch, but I do believe ( as I said above) that you choose to love someone, so you can choose not to love them to0! Love is basically choosing to think about someone all the time and investing your emotions in them- more than any other. You are in control of your thoughts and therefore you can also train your cognitive mind to replace these thoughts with other things. I’m being very objective here!
Finally, How long does it take to fall in love? I, for one don’t believe in love at first sight. How can you love someone when you don’t know the kind of person they are? That is pure lust in my opinion, but I do believe it doesn’t take long to fall in love. I have always fallen in love very quickly! My history of falling in love spans only a few short weeks to a few months. The more of a risk taker you are the more instantly I think you fall. It makes sense to me to think that someone who lives a life without regret and grabs every opportunity placed in front of them will find themselves in love more frequently and immediately than a play in safe kind of personality. Of course this is just my layman view!
‘The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.’ Mother Teresa
Now onto that other kind of love, the one I find so intriguing, the one that can shape itself into many, many different forms. It’s the love we carry within us for everyone else we care about in life, even objects we own or things we fill our lives doing.
When should we use the term love? When does it become worthy?
I believe love is a feeling you use to describe a person or thing that tops the ‘normal’ emotions towards a similar being or object in your life. The love you have towards your family for example, is a given. This is because you don’t have any other people with the same relationship to compare this to. Where as the friends in my life that I love, are the ones that I am closest to. To be a friend doesn’t necessarily mean I love you! Sorry guys! This emotion is saved for a select few that hit the top of the list. I hope this is making some kind of disjointed sense folks… Its a hard emotion to describe and definitely even harder to write about and define!
The same goes for the things or experiences you have in your life. The top few that stand out in your mind will be the ones you describe with love. It is impossible to love everything in my opinion. If you do, the word becomes less meaningful and powerful. I have loved my career being a singer@sea for the last 6 years, but I most certainly didn’t love working in a call centre when I was 22! I love singing Musical theatre songs but I do not love singing pop. I chose very carefully who, and what I say I love, its much too special a thing to waste on every tom dick and harry or every single thing in your life. In the same breath, I don’t think people should be afraid of the feeling, its unique, special and like no other feeling in the world. To love, is to feel alive.
As my trip to LA has come to a close, reflecting upon love in all its forms has led me in turn, to reflect on life. I challenge everyone reading this to think of at least 50 or more people, things or experiences that they love. And sit back and enjoy thinking about them. It’s pretty god dam great.
‘The giving of love is an education in itself.’ Eleanor Roosevelt
I hope you have enjoyed reading, until next time, keep a floating with a heart full of love.